first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
