We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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