All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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