Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
