I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
