Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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