My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
