ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
soo... how was my night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
