You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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