dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
