i think my tv is drunk
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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