T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
