I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
