11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
