Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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