If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
