I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
