He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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