I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
