I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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