I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need a burrito and a hug.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
