Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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