I will die if light touches me.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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