help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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