R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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