Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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