The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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