from now on my penis is your penis
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
