you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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