At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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