Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
