You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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