I need help removing her.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
