a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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