...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
