would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
