Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
