Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
