based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
