upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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