just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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