Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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