In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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