What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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