Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
