I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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