I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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