Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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