How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
