Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
