dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i think im in europe. pls send help
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
